My friend was politely appalled however he could not control himself from telling me he longed for a table without anything on it (although ironically he had just helped me carry one back to my place for me) while frantically looking around my living room. I kept trying to explain that I do not have the fiscal ability to provide for that in my life at the moment, because that would require either more space or less stuff and as I am a Taurus I am rather inclined to like stuff. He’s an Aquarian, and I have noted that many an Aquarian does not like to accumulate the commercial goods. Aside from Virgo’s, Aquarian’s are the second least accumulative sign of the Zodiac in my opinion.

I also have recently been pondering my upcoming birthday in exactly a month to this Friday. It’s made me think about everything that I “hoped” to accomplish before the big 3-5. Professional goals, personal goals, most of which didn’t turn out as expected. And although I would say that so far I’m rather content with the outcome of my life, I feel in general my life has been a mess. Not in a pejorative sense, but in the sense that the “Perfect Mess” book describes: it’s not what most people would expect for 35. I have no husband, no children and not even a boyfriend at the moment. I have no mortgage, and although I have lived in NY for over 13 years now I could conceivably move anywhere else should a life opportunity arise that would make it worthwhile. I don’t even have a divorce to my name (and while that may not seem like an accomplishment, I have begun to see it as one not having ever been close to being married). My second year college roommate not only got married on two continents, got an MBA and is at the top of her field, she accomplished a divorce after 10 years of marriage as well! I feel like I must be on some extendedly slow boat to China when everyone else is taking a direct flight these days.

So what does this all have to do with things falling apart? And with Spring? I’ve noticed that many things have changed since the eclipses we had in February. Many astrologers say that the big changes that eclipses can bring come a month or so afterwards and so this was the case for me. A long time friendship fell apart remarkably easily, I acquired a couch that I dreamt I should get, completely rearranged my apartment, and found myself letting go of more things than I normally do in an entire year.

It’s all begun to make me think that perhaps things naturally fall apart, whether they be marriages or friendships or jobs or possessions, in order to let go of Winter and have Spring arrive. Ice breaks apart when Spring comes, and things fall apart in order for new growth. I think one of the big challenges in anything long term is to somehow accept change into a system. One may be comfortable with something, but one keeps growing, even at 35. One has to be engaged in ones life, or else things fall apart. Striving for order can be a good thing: I will always strive to keep my apartment neat and orderly however never expect to completely achieve this, mainly because I’m so engaged with the environment that I don’t treat my apartment like a museum to look at and not touch. I will strive to achieve goals and find a great guy to have a relationship with and hopefully one day get married. But the reality is that things fall apart, relationships fall apart, especially if one is trying to achieve a kind of mathematical order in the non-laboratory environment of life. Mess can be a sign that something new is peeking out under the snow, that Spring is finally here.